50 Shades of Black & White

50 is a moving target in life. In my teens it was really old. It was still old in my 20's. Getting into my late 30's and it seemed like I switched which end of the binoculars I was using. 50 was half-way. In my 40's, 50 was young. It's even younger today!  I don't feel 50.

After a half-century of walking (for the most time) upon this earth, I've taken some time to reflect. What are the lessons learned? Have I lived, so far, the way I wanted to? When things didn't go the way I planned, what happened? Can I spot the hand of God at work, in my past, in places I didn't see at the time and what does that mean moving forward? Turning 50 is a great time to reflect. My list has recent lessons and life-long ones alongside each other. I hope that is always the way it is.

Life has become more black and white for me. Wrong is wrong. Right is right. Truth is always best. There are standards and morals woven into the fabric of our universe. The common thread through it all is grace. The grace I've experienced from God is what He expects me to pass on to others, including myself.

I’ve made plenty of mistakes, from which I’ve learned some of my greatest lessons. I’ve had plenty of success, from which I’ve learned almost as much. As far as leadership, the greatest lesson is to not take things personally. When I make a mistake it doesn’t mean I am a mistake. When I fail, it doesn’t mean I am a failure. Quit Taking It Personally (Q-TIP) is a transformative lesson to relationships in every area of life – home, business and with myself. It’s a key component of self-leadership.

My life lessons are full of the things people have said to me from their observations of my life. I've been encouraged and challenged and honored to receive some enormous compliments, the greatest of which is "Thank you."

This list contains only a few of my lessons. I know there is much more to learn but for the moment here is what I would consider 50 important lessons and learnings, without commentary.

They are not in any particular order, except the first two. They're really important. I would not be who I am nor have accomplished what I have without  Jesus' work in my heart the love and support of my wife.

It's been a good ride so far. I wonder what the next years will hold?

1. Following Jesus is completely worthwhile.
2. The love & commitment of a good woman is worth more than anything I could ever possess.
3. Pray constantly.
4. I deserve what I tolerate.
5. The truth will always win in the end so I might as well start with it.
6. Give the benefit of the doubt
7. Forgive quickly.
8. Be careful with whom I spend time. I will tend to become like them. 
9. Learn from the past, look forward to the future but live in the here and now.
10. Some of the greatest lessons in life are learned in the most difficult and painful of times. How I wish it wasn't so.
11. Figure out when I am at my best – when my life is full. Fill up with those things regularly.
12. People are valuable and worth my time.
13. Relationships are the stuff of life. Pursue them relentlessly. We were not created to go through life by ourselves.
14. Take time for myself. Refresh. Renew. Recharge. Refocus. Regularly.
15. Give trust up front. Take it away when it is betrayed.
16. Read.
    
17. Unplug.
18. My greatest life regrets will be from what I didn’t do more than what I did do in life.
19. The unexamined life is not worth living. Be accountable to some others for the way I live.
20. Learn to listen. The people in my life are worth my time and attention.
21. Take time to find out. Don't guess and therefore gossip.
22. Learn to ask great questions.
23. Don't try to fill every silent space.
24. Exercise.
25. Live more simply so others might simply live.
26. Be willing to say yes and just as willing to say no.
27. Take vacations.
28. Schedule important things or life will help me avoid them. 
29. Purge. Downsize.
30. Establish and keep good boundaries. Don't own what is not mine to own. 
31. I don’t have to change everything to change everything.
32. Do what I know how to do. Don’t worry about what I don’t know how to do.
33. Beware of first impressions. They're not always right.
34. Don’t be defensive. Defensiveness will only serve to prevent growth.
35. Find a hobby and pursue it with passion.
36. Love is spelled T-I-M-E.
37. Learn to say “Thank you."
    
38. Get a coach. I can’t discover all my blind spots on my own.
39. I'm not supposed to be able to figure it all out on my own.
40. Bigger is not always better.
41. Some people really are out to get me.
42. Learn whom I am accountable to and what I am accountable for in life and work.
43. Communicate clear expectations for those I lead.
44. Learn to end things….and end them well.
45. Q-TIP…..quit taking things personally.
46. Use failure as a stepping-stone for moving forward.
47. Live humbly.
48. Don’t compare myself with others.
49. Smile
50. Every start has a lesson. Learn the lesson - Forget the start. (from swim officiating)

Thanks to the many of you who have traveled with me on portions of my life. You have made my life richer. I pray I have made yours richer as well.

I don't know if it's down hill from here, or it's just a chance to gain momentum for the next stage of this great journey called life. I'm ready for the thrill, the ups and downs, the stomach-churning drops and loops. It's the second half. Time to get living.

Making the Most of a New Year

There is much to worry us at the beginning of the new year: bombings in Russia ahead of the Sochi Olympics; health insurance questions; what will the economy do? It's a new year but the same questions remain.

It's a new year: it's that time when the Y will be packed with people - for about 3 weeks. I can put up with it for that long and then get back to having a lane to swim in and weights to lift without waiting. Just because a calendar page turns doesn't mean anything is new.


We all know that New Year's resolutions don't work. I've made them - you've made them. And we've all blown them.

If only it were as simple as flipping the page - or getting a new calendar. Wipe the slate clean and start from scratch. The problem is, we take ourselves into the new year. That's why shifting furniture, moving to a new job, making any kind of change often turns out to be the same. We're still there! We're still there with all our habits and hang-ups, with our blindspots and inconsistencies.

I've found some tools over the past couple of years that have helped me make the most of a new year rather than settling into old routines that didn't work before and won't work in a new year. We all know the definition of insanity:

Doing the same thing but hoping for a different result

How do you make 2014 different than other New Year's? You may find some of these helpful like I have:

1) Ask & Answer Questions. I follow a guy named Michael Hyatt. A few years ago he shared some questions to ask for the new year. I have found them helpful and then added a couple. I shared them recently at a dinner with friends and we had a great time with the first one: "If the last year of your life was a movie, what would the genre be?"

We quickly got off the "genre" and onto actual movies! "The Temple of Doom" - scary adventure with a good ending. I might have to add that twist to my list.

I added these questions for my own life, making a total of 10:

• What leadership lessons did you learn in the past year?
• What rhythms will you keep in the next year that were helpful during the last year?
• What 2-4 things would you add to the next year and why do you think they will be helpful? Perhaps stated in the form of goals.

The point is not so much what questions you ask but do you ask questions that help you reflect and gain perspective? The principle I've learned for leveraging the new year: ask and answer some questions about my life and experiences and what I want in a new year.

2) Get a Coach. This past year I did something out of the box and insanely helpful. For my continuing education, I went through the training for an Executive Coach with Sherpa Coaching.
What I learned about myself was more impactful than the skills and strategies for coaching others. It made me a better leader, a better person, a better follow of Jesus.

Interestingly, the key to being a great coach is learning to ask great questions. Considering my first point, it may have fit more than I realized at the time.

There is great value in having someone who will help you get through what is tapping out your leadership abilities. This isn't about life coaching. Executive coaching is about getting rid of the business behaviors that keep holding you back. Home and personal life will benefit as well, but the focus is what's holding you back. We all need someone else to peer into our lives, underneath the outer shell, and help us break free.

The principle: deliberately engage with someone who will challenge your assumptions and give you the tools to climb the next mountain.

I have some guys in my life who help make sure I don't live a sloppy life. But the coaching piece takes it to a new level for a few months that gives life-long impact.

3) Subtract or stop something. I have found that a new year is a great time to jettison something that I don't want, that is holding me back from my goals. It might be a grudge or some unforgiveness. It might be a habit, even a relationship.

2013 brought some significant changes to my life, one of which hit the bank account. Taking a significant pay cut meant finding some ways to make up dollars. So I made a spreadsheet with the starting figure the amount we would be missing through the end of 2014. I'm proud to say we're making incredible progress thanks to the Lord's blessing.

But what I've found is that the presence of the spreadsheet keeps me emotionally anchored in the events of the past. I don't want that going into the new year. So I'm deleting it.

The principle: you don't have to change everything to change everything. Think systemically. Changing one thing in your life will automatically shift most other things.

Don't take everything with you into the new year. Gid rid of something. Don't try to make a list of all the things you think you want to get rid of because you won't get rid of anything. Target one thing.

4) Add something. A consistent encouragement I offer to people is go on a mission trip. Over 26 years, the evidence says that taking 1 or 2 weeks to enter into another culture has the potential to change a person's life forever. Adding something radically different than you've done before gives you new eyes to see life. It just might give you a new heart as well.

Choose something - a routine - a habit - challenge yourself. But first ask this question: What do I want to be different at the end of this new year? Choose something that will help you get there.

The principle: adding the right thing, just one thing, can set your life on a new trajectory. Draw yourself out of your comfort zone, like a mission trip.

What will be different in your life at the end of 2014? The choices you make today will help determine what it is. If you do nothing, then nothing will change.

Have a safe and happy New Year!

Betrayal of Christmas

Candles and presents, shopping and lights, trees and food. Family, vacations, breaks from school and work all comprise the Christmas season....o, and, of course, Jesus too.

He's almost an afterthought in our consumeristic world. But He is more of a thought at this time than any other during a year. People do think of Jesus, if only a passing thought. It's why it's the best time to make a connection with those who have made it through another year without the influence of Jesus in their daily lives. I've encourged the Church I lead - The Park Church - to invite and actually bring their friends and relatives and co-workers to worship on the 23rd and 24th. To do anything else would be a betrayal of Christmas.

In the past few days, I've been encouraged and challenged by a most unlikely gathering of people. Their lives would possibly never connect except in "the cloud" and in this heart and mind from what I read. Together they've helped me think more deeply and see more clearly.

************

Pope Francis has intrigued and challenged much of the world with his fresh simplicity and heart for the poor. In responding recently to a headline grabbing critic, he said concerning the bad side of capitalism:

The promise was that when the glass was full, it would overflow, benefiting the poor. But what happens instead, is that when the glass is full, it magically gets bigger nothing ever comes out for the poor.

Our lives were meant to overflow, not simply increase in the capacity to hold - hoard - hang onto. It's a betrayal of our Creator when we enlarge ourselves, making us impotent to transform the world.

************

John Bogle helped me traverse the financial needs of college and early marriage. We've never met, nor do I expect to, but due to my father's good guess (oops, savvy investment prowess), The Vanguard Group, founded by Bogle, would be a important part of my life. In a recent article out of Harvard Business Review, the author commented on Bogle's ability to make even what is intended to be about him, to be about others. It was not a surprise. That's been the way he's scaled the ladder of greatness. 

When others on Wall Street we're enthralled only with making themselves richer, Bogle got rich (but not to the same degree he could have) by putting the consumer first. Without going into the whole story which you can read here (HBR Blog), Bogle's moves actually created an inability to amass enormous wealth on the scale of most financial execs on Wall Street, due in major part to concentrating on the mass of normal, everyday investors. It's made him a legend of enormous influence. He made it not about himself.

*************

I finished a book on a recent trip, The GO Point, by Michael Useem. He gathered together 50 decison making templates, or axioms/principles, for better decisions. In the sixth chapter, Transcending Personal Profit, he writes:

Nor do American values, especially business culture, actively promote self-sacrifice in the interest of the common good. Yet no capacity is more essential for attaining the right go point. (183).

He goes through some of the glaring historical opposites like Enron and Tyco. In essence, the leader who doesn't have the interests of the customer first, has betrayed what he or she was supposed to do. In other words, "it's not about you."

*************

In this soup for the soul I found myself drifting toward thoughts of Christmas. When we seek to gain all we can no matter what the impact, we are betraying the heart of the One who created us. He is a giving God first and foremost. I've never felt put in second place. Christmas is a celebration of His self-sacrifice (a thought often reserved for Easter) to become like us so that we might be with Him. When we put self-serving above self-sacrifice, we're in the same seat as Herod who wanted nothing else than to hold onto power, threatened by the baby born King.

I wonder. Do we perpetuate a self-serving Christmas when we have our children make gift lists, as if that has become the first thought of the season? Do our modern Christmas celebrations take us down a path Jesus wouldn't travel? I fear we become unknowing participants in a conspiracy perpetuated each Advent season to stuff our trees and our stomachs, effectively enlarging the glass that was intended to hold only so much so that it could overflow to the poor.

Live more simply so others might simply live. It's the theme we're trying to live in my home. It's the focus we're bringing to our community through our Church. It's one way to make sure our lives overflow rather than simply allowing the glass grow. Send me a note if you'd like to learn more. Together we can change our world - one life at a time.

Live Simply - A Christmas Carol

On Thanksgiving weekend we enjoyed A Christmas Carol @ the Playhouse in the Park here in Cincinnati. I've seen it several times over the years, an inconsistent family tradition. This year I heard the story anew, with fresh ears, the words filtering through Live Simply. Live Simply is simple:

live more simply so others might simply live

The words of Dickens' story rang at a new depth to my heart. I had never seen the extent to which Scrooge's obsession with gaining wealth ruined his relationships and ultimately his life, until that Christmas Eve was interrupted by those other worldly visitors.

"what good does it do for a man to gain the whole world but lose his soul"

I was drawn away in my thoughts as I listened and watched Scrooge throw away the love of his life for the pursuit of riches. The play perfectly contrasted the elder Scrooge watching the younger one make such a blunder that would lead to misery. How wonderful - and gut-wrenching - is the gift of hindsight!

Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into

many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people

into ruin and destruction.

- 1 Timothy 6:9

With our move this summer to the a new town, new house, new church, new surroundings we have had the opportunity to make decisions about some of our worldly possessions. Perhaps it's because the process of cleaning out my parent's house (albeit 5 years ago yet fresh in my mind) was a shock to how much stuff we keep that we don't need. Now my father-in-law is moving and the process begins again. And this church doesn't have an office so all those things have to come into the house and there simply isn't room. How quickly we become attached to our things!

Live Simply is about a lifestyle shift. It goes against our consumer mindset. What I am calling for is a radical shift, not a seasonal placation for our hearts. When living more simply is caged in the Advent season, I don't think it goes far enough. Living Simply is year round thinking. It is behavior that transcends a season and embraces a life.

Here are some things you might consider:

• sponsor a child in Haiti (or somewhere else) through Starfish Kids. It can become a year round project for the family - praying for your child and making plans to visit him or her.

• Cut in half what you would normally spend on Christmas gifts. Or go all the way and give no gifts.

• Send a note to relatives and friends and tell them you've made a donation to Live Simply in their honor. Make that your gift to them.

Living simply for us means buying used cars, using coupons at restaurants, combining trips, eating in and so many other daily decisions. It's our daily decisions that lead to simplicity, giving us the margin to be generous. Living simply year round keeps Scrooge from encroaching on our hearts.

If you'd like to participate in The Park Church's Live Simply Project, consider a financial gift which will go to help build a house in Haiti and support a local shelter called Bernie's Place. Our address is: 5788 Zoar Rd, Morrow, Ohio 45152. Clearly mark your envelope and check "live simply." Together we're going to change our world and our own lives along with it.

The Live Simply Project

Christmas is the season for: indulging? serving? giving? shopping? debt? family? Which would you say reflects your life?

For the past 10 years my family has been installing braces around our hearts, inner braces that are able to resist the onslaught of our culture that screams: "buy, buy, buy." We're not the only ones. The Live Simply Project is about this choice: "live more simply so others might simply live." For us it's been a call back to the basics, back to the heart of Christmas and the heart of God, whose heart is near to the poor.

Whoever oppresses the poor shows contempt

for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the

needy honors God. (Proverbs 14:31)

I'm not about to proclaim that we do it right or even very well. We have a very long way to go. We're on a journey. We started as young parents who were cash flow poor as the average are. We limited our Christmas gifts to 3 per child: "Jesus got 3, we get 3." It was a simple way to keep costs down. More importantly it helped keep Jesus in the open rather than buried beneath a tree full of presents.

We realized we couldn't stuff our tree with presents and say we honor God with our lives.

10 years ago we launched The Live Simply Project in the church we served. The premise was and remains simple: spend less on Christmas, less on ourselves, and give that portion away to the poorest of the poor. It was life-changing for us and those we served. The goal was for lifestyle change not just an isolated seasonal act of generosity.

Choosing to live more simply so others might simply live goes way beyond scattered acts of sacrifice, seasonal decisions of serving and helpful acts of kindness. Those are all good things to do, values to teach our children. But too often our acts of generosity are self-centered. We give what we no longer want. When a food pantry needs donations, I go through my own pantry and find those things that have been there a while and I'm probably not going to eat. When I give that which has no value to me it's not generosity.

Self-centered generosity is looking for the feeling that comes from doing a good deed, but with no lifestyle change in our behavior. Self-centered generosity is scattered individual acts. 

Two good friends run Sherpa Executive Coaching. Their formula is simple: business skills + business behavior = impact on business. They deal with the behavior part of the formula, recognizing that when our behaviors change, our impact changes. If a leader only works on their skills, which is a good thing, but there is no change in behavior, the behaviors will put a lid on their impact. Long term change means a change in behavior, in what a leader does.

Choosing to live more simply is more than working out our "serve others" muscles for a few hours during the Season. The lifestyle decision is more than giving away something additional to what we already buy rather than dialing back the purchases (in both amount and quantity). Lifestyle change is year round change. It's a change in our basic behaviors.

Live Simply is a journey we are on, not a destination to which we will probably ever arrive. The evidence is all around us with our move of 5 months ago. We gave away and sold so much while packing. Then we sold and gave away so much more as we unpacked. We have way too much stuff!

We gathered a lot of it because we were trying to fill a void in our lives but found the accumulation of things left us empty. The void is filled only through changing our behavior, our lifestyle. Live Simply. When our hearts are motivated in June to live in such a way that we can respond generously in December, we've taken some steps down the pathway to living more simply.

This year @ The Park Church, we are moving down the pathway of the Live Simply Project. It starts with giving away the offerings on Christmas Eve Eve (contemporary @ 7 p.m.) and Christmas Eve (traditional @ 7 p.m.). It doesn't matter what our church financial state might be, we will not keep any of it for ourselves. 50% will go to build a house in Haiti for a family still in a refugee camp from the 2010 earthquake. The Park is sending a team of 17 in June. The other 50% will go to a local ministry yet to be determined as of today. We want to partner with a ministry year round not just during the season. Another option also exists - to sponsor a child in Haiti through Starfish Kids.

Stores are opening on Thanksgiving morning this year. The push to accumulate is encrouching, pushing against us to shape us. What behaviors in your life will brace you against the onslaught?

I enjoy the Phillips translation (notice the British spelling) of the New Testament, especially these verses from Romans 12:1-2...

With eyes wide open to the mercies of God, I beg you, my brothers, as an act of intelligent worship, to give him your bodies, as a living sacrifice, consecrated to him and acceptable by him. Don't let the world around you squeeze you into its own mould, but let God re-mould your minds from within, so that you may prove in practice that the plan of God for you is good, meets all his demands and moves towards the goal of true maturity.

Something must provide in us braces against the encrouching culture. Live Simply helps us do that and more. Through the decision to live more simply we press back and change our world. I can't change the whole world, but I can change one life and through that life the world will change.

If you'd like to give toward Live Simply this year through The Park, our address is: 5788 Zoar Rd, Morrow, Ohio 45152. Clearly mark your envelope and check "live simply." Together we're going to change our world and our own lives along with it.

FISU, World University Games & national anthems

After fielding multiple questions about why there are no national anthems at the medal ceremonies and instead only the FISU Anthem, I asked. Here's what I know.

FISU is committed to putting on a cultural and educational event and to stay away from as much politics as possible. Therefore, it will only be the FISU Anthem that is played. It's actually a fairly depressing song - from what I can tell it's based off an old drinking song. But that could be wrong - remember, you can't trust everything you find on the Internet!

What I saw on the final day of competition, I think, was the epitome of what FISU wants. Sure, the Russians far outstripped the rest of their competitors in medals. It's their home turf and they should bring out their best, as long as they are within the boundaries of being eligible to compete. Did every swimmer want to win? Absolutely. Were there national rivalries - you bet! But it was the last day that summed it up for me. No pictures to show that I know of. Perhaps that's the way it should be.

It was after the final medal ceremony for the Men's 400 Medley Relay. 1st was Russia - 2nd was Japan - 3rd was the United States. The athletes received their medals, came down off the podium, stood under the large screen for pictures, then marched down the far side of the pool. There, lined up, were the U.S. coaches and the Japanese coaches and many of their swimmers. There could have been others but I was sitting in the opposite corner.

The teams were marching in 2nd, 1st and 3rd order, per their position on the medal stand. The U.S. coaches began high-fives with the Japanese, then the Russians, before getting to their swimmers. Then the Japanese formed one of those tunnels. It appeared to me that the Russian swimmers weren't going to follow the Japanese through, but with some encouragement, they did. So did the Americans. That was it. The language of sport transcending politics and things that might divide us.

I read this afternoon a silly news article about one politician suggesting a boycott be considered for the Sochi Olympics. Hogwash! Never should anything like that be considered or done again. Sport can go above and beyond the things that divide us. I experienced it as a swimmer - I've seen it as a coach - I've observed it as a parent and now as an official.

I was proud of the way the U.S. swimmers and coaches conducted themselves but never more so than in that final gesture. Many probably did not see the U.S. men congratulate the Russian relay behind the blocks. Few outside of the Aquatic Palace saw the congratulatory tunnel and hand slapping. Swimmers were glad, coaches were smiling.

Then of course, the Special Olympics athletes who swam a 50 free at the very end. It's great to get gold. It's wonderful to be recognized. Who doesn't enjoy that? It's sport that bridges a gap, communicates across cultures, helps us mend some fences and move forward.

I'm by no means a proponent of "everyone think happy thoughts at the same time and the world will be a better place." I am a believer that our commonalities are far more than our differences.

Here in Russia I've seen the same things I've seen around the world - couples holding hands, people waiting for a bus, shopping malls with the same things we have in the U.S., restaurants, parks and grandparents enjoying grandchildren as they play around a fountain. The people want the same things. The politics and approach to life are different. 

We bridged gaps as officials. We couldn't speak the same language with our tongues but we did speak the same language around the pool deck. There are significant implications in that for the follower of Jesus. That's for another post.

It's been an awesome journey - so far. Off to St. Petersburg for a couple of days, then onto Tallinn, Estonia for 2 days where I'll get to share in a church service, touch base with a Seminary, spend time with my friend Taavet (a student at Asbury Seminary) and then finally home, which I miss. 

Food

Every trip it seems I compose at least one blog about the food I've eaten. I'm pretty adventuresome, will try most anything once - once being the important term when considering things like haggis!

So here are some photos of some of the foods with as much explanation as I can remember

This is a salmon medallion with round fries. That is not asparagus but some kind of garnish for presentation.

Here is a top notch and simple dish of rice with seafood, topped with sesame seeds. Very delicious

We've visited a particular restaurant twice, and probably will return tomorrow for one last good meal. This is 5 kinds of sushi, including: salmon, eel & squid. Very delicious.

A salmon strip on a bed of vegetable salsa. Nicely spiced.

Steak tournedo with mashed potatoes and a few "fat chips." Literally called "fat chips" in the menus - probably why I pulled them out and didn't eat them!

This is the "national soup" of Tartarstan. Simply vegetables and some lamb. Nice spices.

We stumbled upon a really nice Italian place. We were the only two people there for a late lunch and I got this "sea gift pizza." The crust was delicious as was the meat: shrimp, squid, octopus tenacles, a fish (forget the name) and olives. It was good. I ate all but one piece. But I wouldn't get it again. Too "fishy" for pizza for me.

A nice cheese plate with some walnuts and grapes. The dish in the middle is honey, which was very good on the brie, which my companion wasn't as fond of. :)

A marvelous brownie with a liquid chocolate filling with ice cream. The grape-like fruit is apparently good for mental acuity as well as your heart. It was powerfully tart but I still don't know its name.

A chocolate covered mousse with some banana cake inside. Very good.

So that's some of the good food so far. Another week's worth to come and you can bet it'll be something different each day.