Next Steps.....

I've been wrestling with a question - How do you know what your next steps are? It's a step beyond my previous post What Do You Do When You Don't Know What to Do? Sometimes a plan isn't clear. Sometimes the boundaries are laid out but you aren't sure if it's soccer, football or baseball that you're playing. In different cultures, football refers to different games. Knowing the rules of the game is a must to playing the right game.

I finally figured it out. I figured out the game to be played within the boundaries that have been established. It's a freeing thing. Now I can lay out a game plan.

Think about what happens when two people in a marriage have different expectations about the goal. One has soccer in mind. The other wants to play touch football! Similar fields, each thinking there are funny lines for the game. It can create confusion and mind-numbing frustration.

When two different people have two different values - as far as what the ultimate goal is - in other words, the definition of success, endless conflict can be the outcome. One is playing with a football, the other uses a softball and neither can figure out why the other can't run the right play or even catch the ball that was so perfectly thrown - or pitched - or hit right to them.

One asks: "Who's on first?" and the other thinks they're calling the "Who" play for 1st down.

Clarity of how success is defined is an essential piece for knowing what the next steps are. It brings a real sense of peace. Nothing is more frustrating than thinking you're succeeding only to find out others are pushing for something else. It helps when everyone is moving toward the same goal line.

It happens in marriages with expectations.

We watch it in politics - big government and taxes, small government and taxes - Democrats v Republicans.

It happens in churches, which is where my life has been spent. Some have a goal of everyone feeling good. Others have a goal of making disciples. There are a host of other divergent thoughts on what success looks like in a church. What I know is that when success is defined differently then conflict, confusion and frustration are inevitable.

To find my next steps I asked a lot of questions, trying my best to stay away from "why" questions. Too much emotion with "why." "What" is a far better way to finding clarity. It does no good to shoot the messenger. It doesn't help to display anger. Speak truth. Share your perceptions. Learn the rules of the game and then get in the game.

So off we go.

Unclear? Find your next steps so you know what ball to pick up to play the game.