First is conflict. Whenever you are in relationship with another human being, there will be conflict. It's going to happen. It's what you do with the conflict that matters the most.
Avoid conflict and you avoid the things that grow you as a person and in that relationship. You end up dwelling in the arena of assumptions and guesses, instead of truth. And that will wipeout relationships.
1. Pursue unity. Pursue unity over victory. If it's more important to be right, then there will be more conflict. I'm not suggesting lies should become the norm but rather proving you are right isn't always the most helpful approach. Ask yourself: Can I live with this? Does this really matter?
2. Put on humility & compassion
Philippians 2:3-4 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
As long as you're concerned about your own pride, your own image, your own reputation, you'll create more conflict in your life. Have no opinions. Listen. Seek the best for others.
3. Take a self-examination
Nobody likes exams, whether they're in school or some medical exam. But they help us understand how we are doing, how much we are learning, where we are so we know how far we have to go. Remembering to examine ourselves helps us use conflict in a constructive way.
Matthew 7:3-5 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
4. Have courage
Matthew 18:15-17 “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
This is the tough one, but the necessary one. Some conflicts are ones that result from sin and it needs to be confronted. Jesus doesn't call us to come as we are and stay as we are. Jesus is about loving us where we are and growing us to be more like Him. That means change.
Some conflicts arise from sin in other people's lives and we are called to humbly and compassionately confront the sin while loving the person. It should be approached cautiously, prayerfully, and in cooperation with others.
5. Speak the truth in love
Ephesians 4:14-15 “Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. 15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.”
Some people side with the love part. Others side with the truth part. God's Word calls us to have equal parts of each. Truth in love.
6. Trust in God's sovereignty
God's sovereignty means God's way wins in the end. I don't believe God ever intended that we defend Him. He needs no defense. He needs witnesses to the change He brings to our lives but He doesn't require people who will pick on every little thing.
Focus on the issue not the person Remove the emotion from it. Don't take it personally.
Conflict happens any time two or more human beings are in relationship. How we handle the conflict will mean growth or decay for those relationships. Which course will you take? It's your choice.
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