5 Questions to Grow A Marriage

Marriage is not for the faint of heart. Marriage takes strength, skill, stamina and supernatural action to grow it into the kind of relationship we all want and that God intended it to be.

To make a better marriage takes two commitments to stick with it - better or worse - richer or poorer - sick or well. I'm so thankful marriage vows are not multiple choice or my wife would have gotten rid of me years ago.

After nearly 28 years, I've found these 5 questions are helpful to growing a marriage.

1. How can I serve today?
When my view for the day is to be a servant then my marriage will be stronger. The goal of this relationship is to out-serve one another. It's in those little things - replacing the empty toilet paper roll, putting the lid down, putting my dishes away and dirty laundry in the hamper. If it's a clean kitchen sink or a bed that gets made each day that helps her feel better about life, then that's the way I can best serve.

2. How can I love today?
Love is action, not a feeling. Whether I feel like it or not, I'm called to love my wife. My action cannot be based on what she does or doesn't do. Marriage is a covenant where each partner is called to give 100%. There is no halfway or my part / your part. I'm not called to tolerate - simply put up with. I'm called to love and I can't love if I'm only tolerating. It's also helpful to remember, hard as it is to believe, that there are things I do that irritate her…..and she still loves me.

3. How can I pray today?
Prayer is the most powerful action I can take to grow my marriage. Over these years my prayers have changed. They used to be more self-centered, about changing the things I wanted to see changed in our relationship and that usually meant "her things."

Some years into marriage I realized that Jesus is praying for us, "interceding for us" at the Father's right hand (Romans 8:34). And if Jesus is praying then I want to know what He is praying for her. Those are the prayers that will be answered. Those are the prayers with which I want to agree.

Learning to pray throughout the day has helped me pray for my marriage. (How to Pray Constantly)

4. How can I encourage today?
We meet so many things in our day to day that the one thing we need at home more than any other is encouragement. When I find ways to encourage her, life is better (happy wife = happy life!). When I know her passion and her goals, I can say those most powerful words: "I believe in you!"

5. How can I give grace today?
It is in the covenant of marriage that I've learned a new depth of grace. I have hurt her. She has hurt me. We have had ample opportunity to practice forgiveness. Grace means we don't hold grudges, we don't bring up past hurts, we move forward having learned about ourselves and each other. Finding ways to give grace - undeserved, unearned blessing and favor - is what brings depth to a marriage. The grace we experience from Jesus becomes the grace we pass on to our mate.

How will you grow your marriage?